Wherein I return from holidays, having missed the elections

I missed Singapore's elections, having been overseas in Malaysia the last couple of days.

It wans't really a big deal, since my area was uncontested and I wouldn't have gotten to vote in any case, but I am a little miffed that I missed out on all the excitement and voicing-out-of-uninformed-opinions that comes together with the whole package.

I am even more miffed that my trade-off involved a series of blandly uninteresting days in assorted Malaysian states, without computer access, English television or (this hurt the most) soft cushions for my behind. For you see, a Singaporean trip to Malaysia typically involves much riding of coaches along bumpy roads and eating of foods purchased from hawkers of dubious hygiene standards, resulting in posteriors getting jiggled a lot and over-utilised.

To gloss over a trip that deserves no description, I spent a half-day in off-season Malacca seeing colonial sights and the other half-day in shock that I had finished with the tourist attractions (with the happy exception of the crocodile farm and local zoo). Needless to say, I found it boring and went instead to Pulau Tioman, where I ended up trapped in an equally boring beach resort where a bunch of Swedish people had decided to host the a Family on Vacation With the Most Kids competition.

In an embarrassing show of how pampered Singaporeans can be, I also refused to come out of my air-conditioned room to enjoy the splendours of Tioman's beach because it was too hot. The lobster-red caucasians did little to reassure me that I would be fine in the sun, though I was certain they had a cache of morphine somewhere to dull the pain of their scorched bodies. I am a little tanner from my ten-minute swims in the morning - the other Singaporean trait of making the most of your money was too much to resist.

I did no shopping, sampled none of the local delicacies (Malacca was so empty I had to eat KFC - the beach resort offered fried rice or hunger) and ended up sleeping a lot. I also finished To Kill a Mockingbird and half of Tender is the Night, a testament to my boredom (I found Fitzgerald's prose about as interesting as a dip in the sea at noon - not at all). As a Singaporean, I must say that this holiday was a disappointment.

As a person who really just wanted some time off work and to get some sleep, it wasn't so bad.

And now I have to go and get Malaysia out of my system again.